Intuition.

Trust it. It’s real.

Maybe having my Dad die when he was only fifty-years-old allowed me to entertain the possibility that, I too, might get cancer.

I knew.

Breaking into tears, surrounded by girlfriends, on a run years prior to my diagnosis. Fearing; I might have it. Something wasn’t right.

Months past. But with gentle nagging from my accountability partner, I finally made an appointment.  It wasn’t until the end of that meeting, I casually (and hesitantly) mentioned the strange symptoms I had been experiencing.

She ordered the tests.

After a colonoscopy (because of my family history) and an upper scope… I was squeaky clean. <deep sigh>

Breath.

The anonymous doc, who did the procedure, asked-in passing-why we were doing this? I told him my symptoms. He suggested an ultrasound.

Weeks past.

I eventually called.

Thyroid ultrasound completed.  Radiology reported nodules.  Next, schedule a follow-up with an ENT.

I opted for a needle biopsy. (And, I thought natural childbirth was scary? Pfttt…)

That sucked.

Next, hurry up and wait…

The call came.  Pupillary Carcinoma.

Perfect. Military orders had taken us 3,000 miles from home and I had a spouse that would soon be deploying to Afghanistan…

I couldn’t believe it.

“At least it’s curable.  A very good cancer to get,” they kept telling me. I didn’t feel entitled to be scared. Or mad. Or anything.

So, the surgeon cut it out. I woke up with an incision across my throat and a secret fear.

I f’ing have cancer. I have two kids with special needs! What if…?

What followed was a series of secret lows. I knew I should be grateful; every time I traveled to the Cancer Center, I was the lucky one with the easy one while others were in wheelchairs, losing their hair and/or emaciated.

So I bottled it.

And now…

Here I sit. Three years later. Cancer free.

I am only beginning to truly digest the gravity of how that diagnosis effected me; As a mother and wife.  Moreover, how IT changed me.

I had f’ing cancer.

At least it was a good one…

For more like this follow here~or on Facebook    https://www.facebook.com/MyBattleCall/ & IG @mybattlecall

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